How do I get the Magnolia empty webapp running with the Standard Templating Kit?

I'm having lots of trouble getting the Magnolia empty webapp project running, all related to Maven dependencies. It seems to be an extreme case of If you give a mouse a cookie, because every time I add a required dependency it throws an exception asking for another, and it's never enough.

I've been trying to follow this guide, which starts out using the Maven archetype command so it's not quite from scratch. The problem is that guide was written awhile back so the version numbers have changed a lot since then, and it seems the newest versions just aren't compatible with themselves.

Here's what my acme-project-webapp/pom.xml file looks like:

<?xml version="1.0" encoding="UTF-8"?>
<project xmlns="http://ift.tt/IH78KX" xmlns:xsi="http://ift.tt/ra1lAU" xsi:schemaLocation="http://ift.tt/IH78KX http://ift.tt/HBk9RF">

    <modelVersion>4.0.0</modelVersion>
    <parent>
        <groupId>com.acme</groupId>
        <artifactId>acme-project</artifactId>
        <version>1.0-SNAPSHOT</version>
        <relativePath>../pom.xml</relativePath>
    </parent>
    <artifactId>acme-project-webapp</artifactId>
    <name>Acme Project: webapp</name>
    <packaging>war</packaging>

    <repositories>
        <repository>
            <id>magnolia-repo</id>
            <name>Magnolia Repository</name>
            <url>http://ift.tt/1MKklCr;
        </repository>
    </repositories>

   <dependencies>
    <dependency>
        <groupId>info.magnolia</groupId>
        <artifactId>magnolia-empty-webapp</artifactId>
        <type>pom</type>
    </dependency>
    <dependency>
        <groupId>info.magnolia</groupId>
        <artifactId>magnolia-empty-webapp</artifactId>
        <type>war</type>
    </dependency>
    <dependency>
        <groupId>info.magnolia</groupId>
        <artifactId>magnolia-module-standard-templating-kit</artifactId>
        <version>2.9</version>
    </dependency>
    <dependency>
        <groupId>info.magnolia</groupId>
        <artifactId>magnolia-module-dms</artifactId>
        <version>1.6.9</version>
    </dependency>
    <dependency>
        <groupId>info.magnolia</groupId>
        <artifactId>magnolia-module-fckeditor</artifactId>
        <version>4.4.2</version>
    </dependency>
    <dependency>
        <groupId>info.magnolia</groupId>
        <artifactId>magnolia-module-mail</artifactId>
        <version>5.2.2</version>
    </dependency>
    <dependency>
        <groupId>info.magnolia</groupId>
        <artifactId>magnolia-imaging-support</artifactId>
        <version>3.2</version>
    </dependency>
</dependencies>

    <build>
        <plugins>
            <plugin>
                <artifactId>maven-war-plugin</artifactId>
                <configuration>
                    <dependentWarExcludes>WEB-INF/lib/*.jar</dependentWarExcludes>
                </configuration>
            </plugin>
        </plugins>
    </build>

</project>

When I try to run the project, I get a host of exception messages. Here's what they say:

The following exceptions were found while checking Magnolia modules dependencies (i.e. those in META-INF/magnolia/my-module.xml): Module Magnolia JSP Templating Support Module (version 5.4.0) is dependent on templating (version 5.3/*), but Magnolia Templating Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia RSS Aggregator Module (version 2.4.0) is dependent on scheduler (version 2.2/*), but Magnolia Scheduler Module (version 2.1.1) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia RSS Aggregator Module (version 2.4.0) is dependent on mte (version 0.5/*), which was not found.

Module Magnolia DMS Module (version 1.6.9) is dependent on adminInterface (version 4.5.8/*), but Magnolia Admin Interface Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia DMS Module (version 1.6.9) is dependent on fckEditor (version 4.5.8/*), but Magnolia FCKEditor Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia DAM Templating (version 2.1.0) is dependent on templating (version 5.4/* - optional), but Magnolia Templating Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia Standard Templating Kit Module (version 2.9.0) is dependent on templating (version 5.3/*), but Magnolia Templating Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia Standard Templating Kit Module (version 2.9.0) is dependent on adminInterface (version 5.2/*), but Magnolia Admin Interface Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Inplace Templating Module (version 2.4.0) is dependent on templating (version 5.4/*), but Magnolia Templating Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia Public User Registration Module (version 2.4.3) is dependent on templating (version 5.3/*), but Magnolia Templating Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia 4.5 Migration Module (version 1.2.4) is dependent on adminInterface (version 4.5.10/*), but Magnolia Admin Interface Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia Resources Module (version 2.4.0) is dependent on templating (version 5.4/*), but Magnolia Templating Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia Module Forum (version 3.4.6) is dependent on adminInterface (version 5.0.2/*), but Magnolia Admin Interface Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia Site Module (version 1.0.0) is dependent on templating (version 5.4/*), but Magnolia Templating Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

Module Magnolia Form Module (version 2.2.12) is dependent on templating (version 5.2.2/*), but Magnolia Templating Module (version 4.4.2) is currently installed.

At first I would get messages saying dependencies were not found (in addition to the version mismatches), and so whenever I saw those I would try adding in the missing dependencies one by one. But it's been a long rabbit hole I've been falling down.

Fundamentally I don't really care about all these nested dependencies that it seems to require; all I really want is to get this running with the Standard Templating Kit, and once that's in place, with the Jackrabbit Persistence Manager (so I can use MySQL). Why is this so hard to get running out of the box? How do I even get it running in the first place?